Methods

methods for therapyJayne goes “where no man (or woman) has been before” – to the dark side of an individual’s and couple’s life, and to the dysfunctional and repetitive patterns that keep people stuck in resentment, sadness and pain.

Using the best practices from couples therapy and the latest ideas from brain research, Jayne coaches clients to handle their reactive selves differently, even under the extreme circumstances that relationships always bring, and accept 100% of the responsibility for themselves.

Before therapy


Many clients like to mentally prepare for therapy. If this appeals to you, consider the following questions.

Gather evidence about why you are coming for therapy. Besides the discomfort and pain that comes from intense incidents in life, do other reasons suggest themselves?
What has happened that is propelling you to therapy? Why now?
What words would you use to describe the kind of therapist you want to see? For example, do you want someone who is committed to helping you preserve your marriage? Or do you want help ending it?
Think about the kind of life or marriage you thought you would be living. How does the one you are in measure up? What are your thoughts about this?
Once you make an appointment, notice what happens. Does anything change? Take note of any small or large shifts.
Ask yourself what you want your life to stand for. What would it mean for you and your loved ones if these problems were solved? Do you believe you deserve to be loved more deeply?

You may also consider these questions and statements:

In what ways am I easy to live with?
Would I want to be partnered to me?
Why or why not?
In my relationship, I feel appreciated when…
I am happiest when …
I am angriest when …
I feel loved when …
I enjoy my partner most when …
I am uncomfortable when my partner …
I would like more …
I believe my partner would like more …
The reason I don’t give my partner more … is …
I would like less …
I believe my partner would like less …
The reason I don’t cooperate with this is …
What I value and like most about my relationship in the past and now is …
My greatest concern about my life and my relationship is …
I believe my partner’s greatest concern about our life and relationship is …
What sex means to me now is …
What marriage means to me now is …

In the heat of therapy

 

Jayne is in close. She asks questions like the ones above, and she listens for the wanting that lies under the responses, for the injuries and disappointments below the anger, for the strengths and passion beneath the disillusionments. She coaches, guides, needles, prods, gives direction … and helps clients heal their hurts.

Working together, Jayne and her clients set a new trajectory for life and love. People feel better when they walk out the door than when they walked in. They find the key to begin unlocking their erotic potential. They can name the ways they have been “working their partner over” and come to understand the shame/fear cycle that drives so much distress in life.

Life after therapy

 

Parents will become three dimensional to their children – they will be known by their children as more than Mom and Dad, and will be engaged and attuned with them.
Every day, couples will share:
five laughs
four hugs
three kisses
two “I love you’s”, and
one “You’re the most important person in my life right now.”
Clients will have a financial plan they can live with – something that allows for play and recreation today as well as savings for tomorrow.
People will talk to each other, not about each other.
There will be a sense of kin or tribal belonging.
Individuals will be able to lean on their own inner resources.