Sadness after Sex

February 01, 2014  |   Blog   |     |   0 Comment

What does it mean to feel disappointment or sadness after sex–even after a healthy orgasm ?

Earlier this week I was reflecting on that experience after an enjoyable encounter with my husband of 32 years. My chest felt heavy even though my  pelvis, legs and head were warm and full. I was elated and dejected at the same time.

Thinking more about the encounter, I realized I’d stayed quiet about a particular activity I was enjoying. My body wanted more, but my ” good girl ” defensive structure kicked in and shut me up. My pleasure quota for the moment was used up.

Once I figured that out and was able to talk to my lover and have a corrective experience, I was happy and satisfied all the way down to my tippy toes and back. My cervix was happy, my heart was full and my quota for pleasure enhanced.

Long term relationships are all about challenging oneself to express nuances of  ever evolving sexuality. Rather than same old, same old, we can be mindful of ourself and go with the embodied moment – creating a flow of erotic energy and passionate connection that binds us to each other.

Several factors created this positive experience for us.

I did not blame Steve in any way for my disappointment. He did not shame me for wanting what I wanted and we were both flexible enough to allow for 2 sexual experts in the bedroom not just the man as expert. I knew what I wanted and became able to ask for that. He was happy to indulge me and we had a simple but important adventure in intimacy together.




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  • If you would like to follow up with more information about affairs please read Esther Perel's new book. Some of her ideas are included in ...

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