You Can’t Be Changed -aka I married a dud.

In this stage both partners are disillusioned and unhappy–quietly, sullenly, noisily, stupidly and resentfully. The darker aspects of human beings multiply in the silence. Frustration is rampant and nobody takes deep enough responsibility for themselves. Admitting that the status quo needs changing  takes great courage and character. Both of which develop to the degree they are needed to get the boat rocked. Some times we have to risk the marriage we’ve got in order to get the one we want and need. Sexual intimacy is best matched with psychological intimacy – conversations about life and living that encourage both partners to be thoughtful about themselves, their marriage and their community.

It helps when stuck in this stage to think deeply about your contribution to the mess. Ask the questions :How I have contributed to the difficulties, even a little bit? What’s my 2% , 10%, 99% ? Can I do something about that ? In his deeply revealing book The Gulag Archipelago, Alexander Solzhenitsyn “takes himself on. ” He confronts his own contribution to the horrors of the Communist regime under Stalin and in this way is able to critique its horrors, playing a major role in destroying its credibility with Western intellectuals. Jordan B. Peterson talks about this in is book 12 Rules For Life – An Antidote to Chaos.

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