Instant Menopause – What to do???

Recently a client reported needing   her tubes and ovaries removed. She was worried about the post surgery affect  on her sexual desire  and function which had just been returning after child birth, chemo therapy and radiation for breast cancer. Here are some of my recommendations.   The psychological side of the issue: The meaning she makes going into the surgery and post surgery is  the most important part of her preparation and recovery. What she says to herself about her self, her body and the procedure will reflect her past issues, present circumstances  and ability to stay in the moment and accept life on life’s terms. This is an opportunity to heal herself, differentiate yet another time and advocate for her own sexual pleasure and expression. The protective, defensive part of her mind may torture her with  negative ideas about  surgery destroying her body and capacity to be sexual. She in fact is larger than her tubes and ovaries and chemo and radiation. She is her gorgeous authentic self-goddess with or without those  parts.   How she feels about herself and her partner NOW is important and can be explored for negative perceptions and issues that need to be addressed.

Is the sex she is having now worth having? How can she bring excitement, eroticism to her bedroom with a long term lover, the father of her young  child? Often marital sex gets the sexual left overs. We stop challenging ourselves to initiate new and different experiences. We do same old, same old and wonder why our desire subsides after 2 months?  Relationships need novelty to keep them fresh. What fires together, wires [bonds ] together.Challenges in life can tax our capacity to exist let alone thrive. Once the crisis is over we need to get back to thriving and noticing that it’s not dangerous or uncomfortable NOW.  The medical side of the issue. With thanks to A Women’s Touch Sexuality Resource Centre  This procedure will send her into instant menopause. The ovaries which produce estrogen will be gone. If she can take estrogen replacement, this should be part of her consideration.  If she does not require her cervix to be removed she  can consider a suprapubic laparoscopic hysterectomy and oophorectomy. This will preserve the length of the vagina and protect the pelvic floor and nerves. Removing  these organs through the opening of the vagina will likely produce a shortening of the canal and  damage to the pelvic floor. These muscles  and nerves are important in  feeling the contractions of orgasms. Protecting the vagina allows for deep thrusting in  intercourse to continue in the usual way.  If the cervix does need to be removed, then some shortening of the vaginal vault is to be expected.  The surgeon can be asked to preserve as much length as possible. Once  she is  fully healed, she can use a vibrating wand to massage and moisturize the inside of the vagina to prevent scar tissue from forming and further shortening of the vaginal space. A lubricant can be used as well. 5 minutes per day is recommended.  The role of estrogen  Estrogen is a hormone that has many positive effects on the body. Although it is  widely recognizes for it’s effect on egg maturation, estrogen receptors are  found all over the body – the brain, skin, muscles, and sub skin tissue. It is produced in the fat cells of men and women. When women loose their ovary producing estrogen, as in this kind of surgery or menopause itself, they continue to produce some estrogen – especially if the person retains some fat.   The major functions of oestrogen are:  . priming of the sensory organs [eyes, ears, nose, taste, skin]   . production of pheromones   .maintenance of skin elasticity and sub skin thickness   . maintenance of muscle mass   . positive effect on blood vessel neuro transmitters that facilitate the vaginal lubrication    process  Estrogen is a feel sexy and alive hormone. The world seems more alive and vital. We feel sexier and the world sees us as sexier too. Think BRIGHT EYED AND BUSHY TAILED. We’re juicy from the inside out.  When estrogen ebbs what can you do.  High doses of estrogen are not needed to have a good sex life. A healthy life style will protect the natural levels of estrogen and maximize your mind set for a great sex life. Here are a few.

1. Keep your sexual arousal alive by keeping your blood vessels flexible. Daily exercise of an aerobic nature  for 30 minutes will help blood flow to the whole body. Rev your engine regularly by taking the stairs or working out at the gym or walking. The major arteries and fine capillaries will be healthier and sexually more responsive.

2. Maintain your muscle mass. Strength training protects the bones, the blood vessels and boosts confidence.

3. Moisturize and massage your inner vaginal area and genital tissues with a vibrating massage wand and sexual lubricant. Liquid Silk Lubricant is recommended. Regular massage [5 minutes per day] will maintain the elasticity of the genital skin and the thickness of the tissue under your vulva and help prevent tearing. This will assist the vaginal walls in slipping past each other when you bend or sit.

4. Maintain pelvic floor strength. Exercise those inner muscles. Find them and work them. Tension there is crucial in feeling and sensing sexual arousal- feeling turned on. When estrogen ebbs the pelvic floor looses strength and we can feel like there’s ” nothing going on down there “. Add  kegel exercises, both the tensing and the relaxing, to your daily health care activities ie., brushing your teeth. and see if a bigger smile doesn’t happen for you and/or your partner.

5. Schedule regular sex. Decide with your partner about the number of times you want to have sex together. Once weekly at least is suggested. Take turns initiating the activities and don’t let anything interrupt or interfere with your commitment. When the sexual muscles are exercised they grow stronger too. Pick a time of day or night that works well for each of you.

6. Maximize your mind set. Think sexy, sensual thoughts. Get your imagination flowing and challenge yourself to add to your sexual intelligence by including new activities.  Let your self be FELT and FEEL. Play with the sexual vibes,

7. Protect your natural hormones. Stop smoking and drink less alcohol. Both blunt sexual desire and arousal,decrease bone strength, stiffen blood vessels, and increase aging. Alcohol blunts testosterone production.

8. Maintain touch in your life. Oxytocin, the loveable hormone, is stimulated by a hug.  .

9. Sleep. 7-8 hours per night is needed to feel refreshed and interested in sex.

10. Eat the good sex diet.The Mediterranean anti – oxidant diet includes colourful fruits, vegetables, nuts, beans, whole grains, organic poultry, fish.

11. Floss your teeth daily. Reducing inflammation in your gums cuts down on whole body inflammation. Body inflammation has a direct negative link to sexual arousal. Instant menopause

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