Relationships

relationshipsOver time, long-term relationships can get stuck. Qualities that were once endearing and sweet become annoying and childish. The challenge for all adults – married, coupled or single – is to grow up, not just grow old.

We develop our ideas about marriage and relationships in our earliest days. Over time, these romantic images and beliefs are not resilient enough for the complexities of life. We enrich relationships when we let ourselves be seen by others in a three dimensional way – not all good and not all bad. We are accountable for soothing our own hurts some of the time, and when required, offering soothing to partners and loved ones. Speaking up about how we will contribute to our relationships – and then doing it in a timely fashion with loving spirit – makes for a trusting bond.

Research on creating great marriages always involves an explanation of the triune brain. The human brain is comprised of three parts:

  • the reptilian brain, represented by the brain stem
  • the limbic brain or the mid brain, where emotions, bonding and the sense of humour are experienced
  • the neo-cortex, the most uniquely human brain where we problem solve, analyze things, experience empathy and wisdom.

Contrary to popular belief, we are not our best selves when we are worked up. Anger and fear come from our reptilian brains, and we feel fully entitled to yell, scream, swear or bully. To reach the limbic and neo-cortex parts of our brain, where bonding, empathy and wisdom live, our nervous system must be free of adrenalin or cortisol – i.e., stress.

Calming down (changing our brain state) means we can be more human and less frightened in our relationships. Creating a sensitive and compassionate template for marriage sets a trajectory for our children and grandchildren.

Jayne specializes in marriage counselling and relationship enhancement:

  • Building intimacy
  • Building passion in marriage
  • Solving sexual problems
  • Recovery from affairs
  • Recovery from sexual addiction
  • Co-dependency recovery – developing a resilient solid self

Get in touch with Jayne using the form below:

What Clients Say:

  • "There's something about the way that you work. I trust you and I am getting better. People are noticing and I am not bothered by ...

    A 55 year old man struggling with no sexual desire in new marriage says…
  • "This is a compliment to you. I hear your voice telling me that I don’t need to suffer anymore."

    A client from Sidney says…
  • "It feels good to get those things off my chest and to understand the primitive brain’s part in my emotions."

    A client from Greater Victoria says…
  • "You seem to ask the right questions that get us where we need to go."    

    A client on Vancouver Island, BC