” Is Something Wrong with ME ? ” “YOU ? “
The power struggle stage in a long term relationship is tough enough, add sexual discord and it all feels worse. One of the biggest problems in couple relationship is differing sexual desires. He often has spontaneous sexual desire, she has responsive sexual desire. Both are normal, but different.
Spontaneous desire is what happens for 75% of men and 15% of women. An attractive person walks by or a sexy thought floats through the brain and voila, sexual activity is desired.
For 30% of women and 5% of men, some sexual activity is required before wanting sex. Arousal precedes desire for many folks. Only about 6% of women lack both spontaneous and responsive desire. This leaves half of women and 5% of men whose desire is context dependent.
It’s important to understand that sexual desire is NOT a drive. It is different than hunger and thirst. Desire is arousal in context. And arousal is what happens between the ears, not the legs. Desire is what happens when arousal is associated with a particular context that is unique to each individual and each couple. This is the miracle and the work of each relationship. Creating the best context for your erotic selves requires curiosity, self knowledge and generosity.
More on this in my next blog.
Testimonials
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"There's something about the way that you work. I trust you and I am getting better. People are noticing and I am not bothered by ...
A 55 year old man struggling with no sexual desire in new marriage says… -
"This is a compliment to you. I hear your voice telling me that I don’t need to suffer anymore."
A client from Sidney says… -
"It feels good to get those things off my chest and to understand the primitive brain’s part in my emotions."
A client from Greater Victoria says… -
"You seem to ask the right questions that get us where we need to go."
A client on Vancouver Island, BC -
“I’m beginning to wake up. I’m working to own myself more. It might be marvelous.”
A Client from Victoria, BC
