” Is Something Wrong with ME ? ” “YOU ? “

March 27, 2018  |   Blog   |     |   0 Comment

The power struggle stage in a long term relationship is tough enough, add sexual discord and it all feels worse. One of the biggest problems in couple relationship is differing sexual desires. He often has spontaneous sexual desire, she has responsive sexual desire. Both are normal, but different.

Spontaneous desire is what happens for 75% of men and 15% of women. An attractive person walks by or a sexy thought floats through the brain and voila, sexual activity is desired.

For 30% of women and 5% of men, some sexual activity is required before wanting sex. Arousal precedes desire for many folks. Only about 6% of women lack both spontaneous and responsive desire. This leaves half of women and 5% of men whose desire is context dependent.

It’s important to understand that sexual desire is NOT a drive. It is different than hunger and thirst. Desire is arousal in context. And arousal is what happens between the ears, not the legs. Desire is what happens when arousal is associated with a particular context that is unique to each individual and each couple. This is the miracle and the work of each relationship. Creating the best context for your erotic selves requires curiosity, self knowledge and generosity.

More on this in my next blog.

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