Valentine’s Day Deconstructed

February 14, 2014  |   Blog   |     |   0 Comment

valentines_day_graphic_056February 14 every year is reserved for lovers. Whether we subscribe to it or not, this day always arrives. Like taxes or death we can think about it, prepare for it or not.

The challenge I believe is to use  it to express our  sexuality. Do we buy the proverbial Hallmark mushy card, expect to be taken out to dinner,  candies, sexy underwear ? Does the woman do anything about this day for her lover or does she expect him to light her fire. Does the man begrudgingly pick up flowers when he’s rather pick out matching  lingerie? What we do about this day says a lot about our feelings about our own self and our lover. Can it be a day to take a risk in opening your heart, trying something sensual you’ve never gotten around to. Or must it be a day of self confrontation about the unhappiness and lack of fulfillment in your marriage? Honesty takes courage. Adults check in with themselves and their partners about the wellbeing  in their marriage. Adolescents leave it to the hormones.

The research into long term happy marriages says that novelty plays a big part in keeping couple fired up  and and then wired together. Something fun and adventuresome creates new neuropathways in the nervous system expanding our repertoire for pleasure and connection with our best friend and partner. We are meant to resonate with each other in pleasurable ways. Finding and creating those moments of pleasure usually needs some thought, planning and openness. Otherwise the ” same old, same old ” takes over. Worse yet the primitive brain will cast desparaging thoughts on fantasies and memorable possibilities. We can easily talk ourselves out of expressing our current sexual interest or not even thinking about this  topic.

Valentine’s Day provides the challenge and opportunity to create and express a new side of our sexual self.


Good luck with yours. I’ll be dancing in mine.

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