What do Men Want – Three Ideas that confound them

June 29, 2011  |   Blog   |     |   0 Comment

What DO Men Want???

Why would Anthony Weiner risk his marriage, his position as a congress man to send photos of his genitalia to an unknown woman or two?


His reputation and his marriage has been ripped apart in the American press. He’s resigned rather than speak up about why he was doing what he was doing. Truthfully, he may not be able to put words to it all. Such is the psyche of many North American men. Good guys generally, hard working but not good at understanding their own feelings and needs. I understand that congressman Wiener is expecting his first child with his wife. This is a major life cycle change for him – one of the most fundamental. He may well have been feeling overwhelmed by this change and used some bizarre coping mechanism. Men and women everywhere turn outside themselves to find solace and soothing when they cannot do so for themselves.

The topic of male sexuality came up in the last session of my course for couples entitled WHAT DO MEN WANT??? We had been talking about self validation and other validation and an older lovely man had been lamenting his need for validation from his wife and others. He really wanted to be differentiated, you could sense how important this was to him and how impossible it seemed for him to attain. He was courageous enough to admit how important his wife’s attention was to him. Yet he had the mistaken idea that this was an undifferentiated state.

I suspect this comes from years and years of male stoicism. Trying to be strong about everything and suppressing the normal wonderful need for attention, admiration, contact. This was male sexuality in process. Becoming more fluid in the idea of what it means to be male. Being able and willing to  finally turn to a beloved partner of 30 or 40 years and be seen as the human being he is. Sad, lonely, upset, happy,bemused, baffled, accepted. One can only imagine how this shift will show up in his bedroom. I hope for loving, inviting, melting, ecstatic  experiences.

All the states that Anthony Wiener will learn more about in his treatment process because our culture was not able to teach him before now.




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